Sometimes I feel like a failure. Like I need to totally re-prioritize my life, or just run away. Then I pray, and just make the next day better.
Sometimes I feel like God is helping me to be the good girl I should be, and other times I choose to do it “allbymyself!!” And hence the bad days.
Sometimes, I remember that the most important thing in life is to know God loves me, and to love Him back. Other times, I choose to focus instead on the moment I’m in, only feeling the pleasure that leaves me empty when it’s gone. The pleasure that the love of God brings lasts so much longer and leaves me different. Filled. Yet ever wanting more.
Sometimes, I feel like I’m really good at this writing thing, and I’m gonna be the next C. S. Lewis. Then I remember that it was God who gave me my writing, and He can take it away. Not to mention that C. S. Lewis got his writing from God in the first place.
Sometimes I feel like I’m the most hilarious person around, then everyone is laughing at me and there is no humor in it for me. And I remember that pride goes before a fall. Hopefully.
All the time, I know I am not perfect, and I never will be, nor should I try to be. I should instead focus on God. And just do whatever He would have me do. Love like He does. Work like He does. Help unconditionally, like He does. And I know that when I do, I become closer and closer to Him, and that is what I want. All the time.