Month: July 2015

{The Girl, Part One}

Earlier this week, I was talking to my friend Maria, who was writing, and really wanted to write something. So I opened a doc, turned on some music, and this is what happened.

The girl had been worrying for weeks. She didn’t really have a good reason, but she couldn’t stop. It felt like her life was ending. Like the walls of her mind were closing in and engulfing her in darkness. Try as she might, she couldn’t escape. She felt like she was drowning, suffocating. She knew she should be reaching out, but the thought terrified her. Worse than all the blackness surrounding her–and that was terrible–was the feeling of being totally, completely, absolutely alone. Abandoned. Deserted. Broken. Her family tried to help, but to her, it seemed that underneath their sympathy and concern they were judging her, condemning her. What she didn’t see, was the long nights they pulled, deep in prayer. She didn’t see them crying, fighting for her, wondering what they could have done to drive her to this. She didn’t see her friend’s concern, didn’t hear them asking if she was better. She had stopped attending church. She couldn’t see the use in sitting for an hour or more when the words she heard she could not identify. Her family had stopped trying to drag her. Thankfully. She felt like her previous life had been a happy dream. Now, she didn’t remember what feeling happy felt like. Her days she spent either lying in her bed, on the ground, on her couch, sitting at the window, in complete and total silence. Her nights she spent lying on her back, staring at the ceiling, not wanting to stay awake, but dreading sleep. Her dreams were full of water, close rooms, and things so horrible she could only try to keep them from the waking world.
To pass time, she spent hours watching stories on youtube and Netflix, trying to read books, sketching, listening to her music. She had played violin and piano, but her inspiration had left when her depression came.

This is only the first part. I will post more before long. I wasn’t planning on writing a story like this, but this is what happened.

{My Life}

These past few weeks have been some of the best–and some of the worst–moments of my life so far.

Something I discovered about myself recently, is that, even though I love sweetened, iced coffee, I also love unsweetened espresso and cappuccino.

Another thing I found is that my lips are susceptible to “sun poisoning” which means if my lips are exposed to the sun for too long, I get a blister-like thing on my upper lip. It isn’t painful, just annoying and ugly. So now I wear chap-stick that has 15 spf and it works. Thankfully

I have officially started volunteering in the sound booth at our church. Though I don’t mess with the soundboard, Sydney does that. (Hi Squid!) I do the slides for the worship. Which means everyone blames me when it’s messed up but they should really be blaming Peter. Because he doesn’t always tell me (or know) what he’s doing with the song… which means I mess up. Generally, I mess up less when I go to practices.

This past Saturday, I was informed I would be playing violin for worship. Well, two songs. The rest of the time I sang. I don’t really enjoy the prospect of the entire church listening to me, so I pretend that only my friends and family are there and nobody is judging me. Then I do fine. It was a bit tough playing my violin, because the mike was in an awkward place, which meant I couldn’t see all my sheet music, and had to stand weird. But I managed.

A couple weeks ago, my laptop’s hard drive crashed. Josiah set me up with a temporary one, thankfully. Though the script for the film is gone. It’s okay, because I was planning on rewriting the whole thing anyway. Before I do that though, I have to complete the plot and figure out the hero’s journey.

I think this post is long enough now. Hopefully I didn’t bore you.


{The Fourth}

One year ago today, my grandpa passed away. I remember it like it was yesterday. I was sitting at the computer when mama got a phone call from her sister. She went into her room, then came out a minute later. She told us that Grandpa had just died. I remember feeling shock. We had been getting ready to go to a party, but that was put on hold. Josiah wasn’t home, so I called him and told him what had happened. That was when I cried. He came home, and our whole family sat together on Mama’s bed, comforting her and grieving together. Then we decided whether or not we should go to the party, and it was decided that mama and Carissa would stay home, Josiah left to be with his now-wife, and the rest of us went to the party, bringing along a friend. (Who Josiah had brought when he came home, and said friend watched us all being sad and some of us crying. If it wasn’t so sad I might have been amused) 

At the party, I remember feeling so out of place. I ate, and talked, like the rest, but it felt so weird. Parties were difficult for quite a while after that. 

That was the first time I watched fireworks with my glasses, and it was amazing! I love fireworks. 

The week preceding that day, a stray, declawed cat had showed up on our door, very malnourished. So Suki rescued her, named her Guinevere and called her Gurdy. Sadly, she had to be put down a couple months ago, but she had a much happier last few months than she would have. 

So today is not merely Independence Day for me. It is a day I remember on.