When you’re young, it’s all about waiting till you turn this age so you can stay up late, or this age so you can drive, or this age so you can make your own plans. Then, when you finally get to that age, suddenly it’s not as sparkly as you thought. I remember being thrilled when I could finally stay up past my bedtime, which over the years, turned into staying up past midnight. Now I go to bed around 11 every night, earlier if I can. I remember being so thrilled when I was old enough to drive, but now I appreciate when I don’t have to drive. When I was little, making plans involved begging mama to let us go to the Ursu’s if we got our chores done, and now, well actually, it’s pretty much the same, but I also like to go to Suki’s house. I loved going to homeschool classes and the like, but never would’ve thought that the year after I graduated, I’d be leading a drama club. Never have I felt so much like an adult then when I’m texting or calling the moms in our homeschool group to see who is coming and let them know what time it is knowing that it is my responsibility to make the club go well. The first play we did I really struggled with, because for some unknown reason I felt like I needed to do everything. I got really overwhelmed and we weren’t nearly as prepared as we should have been. After a long talk with Cheryl, I finally let go, and delegated several roles out to some of the drama team, and I am so glad I did. We just did our second play, which was the Story of Esther, performed at the Purim event we held at our church. This time, we practiced every week and finished the script well before the event. The oddest thing about that, was the fact that people complemented me like I was the lead actor, when in fact all I did was tell everyone when we were doing it and watch over the rehearsals.
When I was little, I always couldn’t wait for my siblings to get married and to start having kids. Now I have two siblings married and I became an aunt just two weeks ago. Our family is completely different now, and I miss the way it was, yet I love this new phase.
One of the hardest things about growing up is the phases. The one I’m going through right now is my friends going to college, dating, getting married, having kids, while I’m still happily at home, same church, but now I’m the oldest (say what???) of my friends, with the ones nearest me in age either already at a college or going to one soon. It’s hard knowing that the way my life is–with my friends–is changing, and we won’t ever have the same friendships. I suppose I’m over dramatizing, since my relationships with my siblings, both married and not, have changed so much over the years, in mostly good ways. I guess I just really like the way I’m friends with my friends right now. Something I don’t think about as much is the fact that I am changing too. I guess no matter what, my life will change. Honestly, I’m glad for that, even though I love my life right now, there is just so much that could change, even faster than I anticipate!
I suppose that this is the point in my life when I’m figuring out who I am and what I do, and that is a rather daunting time. Somehow, I’m more grown up then I expected, yet I have so much more to go.
Sometimes I really wonder what my “dream life” is. Most of my growing up I always expected that all I’d want to do when I grew up was become the perfect housewife, but now I’m an “adult” that’s not who I am. Not that I don’t know how to cook or clean or take care of children (Yay! Alliteration is fun.), because I do that regularly and enjoy it. But there are so many more possibilities, so many things that I would absolutely love to do, like writing, filming, studying music, studying science, dancing, and a plethora of other things, but we would be here all day if I were to list them all. As of right now, I am working actively on writing/filming/directing, but I don’t want to do that 100% of the time for the rest of my life. Saying I do get married, that changes what I pursue. See my dilemma? Thankfully I know that God already knows what my life will be, and all I really have to do is to trust in Him and everything will fall into place. If only I remembered that more. In a way, perhaps not having a “dream life” could make my life simpler. If you are still reading and have any idea what I just said, you are amazing and get a gold sticker.