{hello 2018}

Or, Why I’m Not Doing #NewYearNewMe

2017 was quite the year. I didn’t even know how much I loved it until it was gone. I didn’t really know why I love it either. (That is, aside from the fact that I think 2017 is a prettier number than 2018…) But, it was a good year.

Yes, it was hard. Yes, I struggled through seven months of depression. Yes, I hurt more than I thought I could. Yes, I let down my friends and family. But that’s not all.

I grew. I loved. I learned. I gained. I helped. I restored.

Or, I could put it this way: God grew me, beyond what I thought I was capable of. God showed me that love is more than what exits between a man and woman. God taught me that through the hard, through the pain, through the pushing and running away, He is always there and He always, always, wants me back. God not only brought me another nephew, but is blessing our family with another nephew due any day now. He gave me many new friends who truly care about me, and showed me that the friends I do have truly care about me too. God used me as a tool to speak His truth to others and be an instrument in their healing and growing. God gave me peace in restoring relationships I struggled with because of past hurt and helped me to see beyond my own pain.

In other words, it wasn’t necessarily the year that was so amazing, it was how God worked in my life. I don’t want to credit that to the year, nor limit it to that. I want it to be merely a marker of time. I want this year to be a marker of time. I want to be able to have days (like today) that are hard and awful and I feel like who I’m striving to be is nowhere near who I am, but to not let that define me. I want to have periods of growth where I understand myself better and deepen my relationship with God and those closest to me. I don’t want to feel like I’m changing because #newyearnewme!! I want to change because I need to. Because I want to. And it just so happens that a new year has arrived while I am forming my intentions for who I want to be at this current stage of my life.

Happy new year everyone!

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